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Joke of the Day

"*I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* ""Make a wish,"" I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!"

"""There's no 'u' in 'favorite'"" - coach telling his British son that he prefers his American son"

"If Donald Trump named his scrotum would it be called Goldman Sachs?"

"My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta... Yuk yuk yuk"

"Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth? It's the old meth math moth myth."

"When I was young I used to poke holes in my parent's condoms so that there could be someone else to do the dishes."

"A guy is watching TV and suddenly Yells, ""Don't enter that church you fool!"" His wife asks him, ""What are you watching?"" ""OUR WEDDING!"""

"I almost crashed into the semi in front of me while I was looking at a hot construction worker. That would've been an embarrassing obituary."

"Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks."