92060

Joke of the Day

"I'm on a whiskey diet I've lost three days already."

"FB makes HS reunions awkward. Hey, I haven't seen you 20 years. So how was that nap you took this afternoon?"

"""It's a banana in my pocket"" ""May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?"" *averts eyes* ""I'm glad to see you"""

"Other uses for chloroform 1) A great conversational piece when talking to the cops about using it 2) Make the day go by faster 3) And finally, as a reagent."

"Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis? Its the only place she can get love."

"Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? ...I don't pay 100$ to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Have you heard of that movie Gravity? I heard it was... full of suspense"

"Who wants to get enraged and go persecute Christians? No one."

"How many people does it take for Valve to change a light bulb? Two at most."

"My mom read Tolstoy at 12. She has a great career. She knows the capital of every country. She just asked me to put internet in her Facebook"