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Joke of the Day
"Have you heard of that movie Gravity? I heard it was... full of suspense"
Next Joke
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
"What are the 5 best Vegetables of all time? tink about it. Gai lan, gai lan... gai lan, gai lan, and gai lan. (thanks to Chapelle show skit((making the band)))"
"There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong caring loving. They'd be wrong but you could still use them."
"TIL that someone in the UK gets stabbed every 52 seconds Poor guy."
"So now they're feeding cow marijuana infused grain? That isn't for me... ...those steaks are too high."
"The only difference between you and Harry Potter is that his magic wand actually works OOOOHHH BURRRRN"
"The difference between dead babies and vegetables? I don't eat my vegetables."
"What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip? Recalculating route."
"ME: here's your bday present! BUDDY: [tries to grab it but it won't budge] did u wrap your own hand flipping the bird again ME: just open it"