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Joke of the Day

"My mom read Tolstoy at 12. She has a great career. She knows the capital of every country. She just asked me to put internet in her Facebook"

"What do you say when someone hands you a nice, ripe blunt in Germany? Danke"

"My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services."

"I swallowed a live bee the other day It turned into quite an intra-sting situation."

"What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese"

"Someone stole all the toilets from the police station downtown. The cops have nothing to go on."

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""No baby wait, I can change..."""

"what is the difference between aspirin and a strippers boyfriend? asprin works."

"I'm fat and get laughed at when I say I have an eating disorder But I wouldn't be fat if I could stop eating disorder, datorder, and da other one too"

"When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!"