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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between hard and light? I can sleep with a light on."

"I get nervous about DM's asking if it's me in video because: 1. I drink. 2. I sometimes dance when drunk. 3. I'm always white when I dance."

"Cashier: What does your tattoo say? Me: It doesn't talk. Cashier: Ya, but what does it say? Me: IT DOESN'T TALK. Cashier: Ok, Ma'am."

"Which gun does Superman use? SCAR-L"

"It's so hot outside, I bet Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start telemarketing."

"Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard? He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills."

"How do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it........"

"Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts so she had his name legally changed to ""Machine Washable""?"

"Someone stole my mood ring. I dont know how i feel about that."

"My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said ""bless you"" now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that"