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Joke of the Day

"Cashier: What does your tattoo say? Me: It doesn't talk. Cashier: Ya, but what does it say? Me: IT DOESN'T TALK. Cashier: Ok, Ma'am."

"My Netflix subscription feels like one of those abusive relationships people are afraid of leaving."

"If Trump played Pokemon Go He'd probably catch'em all and transfer them away."

"My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids menu!!"

"All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?"

"I was going to make a joke about the Rapture, but... it just isn't happening."

"I really like money, but I don't like to work."

"Why do pop artists hate shoe shopping? They have too many ft. *edit for spelling"

"Just had a panic attack thinking how little time I've practiced picking up stuff with my toes in the event I ever lose my arms."

"I was going to have a wank at the Vatican while I was there on vacation. But I thought about it and it has probably been done before and I would hate to be seen as the second coming."