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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts so she had his name legally changed to ""Machine Washable""?"

"Remember that things always get worse before they get better. Unless, you know, you die in the process of it getting worse."

"What is a pirate's favorite part of music theory? Arrrr-peggios!"

"What do you call a condom full of money? Johnny Cash."

"Walk in closets Walk-In Closet Why do chinesse make such terrible Estate agents? Because non of the customers are ever comfortable with the idea of buying a house with a Hawk in the closet."

"Obama could eat children alone under a bridge hunched over like Gollum in a thunder storm and he'd still be better than Bush."

"My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. I laugh a bit more."

"My girlfriend asked me if I was a pedophile. I told her: ""That's a big word for a six year old!"""

"Two muffins were in an oven. One says to the other, ""Damn, it's hot in here."" The other one says, ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""

"WHAT DO YOU THINK???? If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife"