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Joke of the Day

"My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said ""bless you"" now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that"

"Just been chatting to my neighbor's teenage daughter It turns out she's really into aliens and UFOs Which is cool because tommorow she's getting abducted"

"My first language is typo."

"Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up."

"I was with my friends when.. One of them asked the other if he was a virgin. He replied ""No, I came out mom's vagina."" I honestly don't know how to feel about this."

"Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is."

"When Donald Trump talks about wanting to help 'the little guy' -- -- he means he needs a prescription for viagra."

"My iPhone won't even recognize my fingerprint unless it's got crumbs on it."

"In the United States the colors red white and blue represent freedom. Unless they see it in their rear view mirror."

"Policeman: Name please? Woman: Cheryl Cole Policeman: Your FULL name Woman: (quietly) Chernobyl Coleslaw"