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Joke of the Day

"I get nervous about DM's asking if it's me in video because: 1. I drink. 2. I sometimes dance when drunk. 3. I'm always white when I dance."

"Just found my birth certificate. Ugh, it's official: I've gained weight."

"TIFU by posting in the wrong sub"

"Son asked me what a cowlick is To which I replied, thats what you call giving oral to Adele."

"What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug."

"One potato. Two potato. Three potato. Vodka."

"Why didn't the Smurfs fit in the house? There wasn't [mushroom](http://i.imgur.com/Yt9AWCO.jpg)"

"Did you hear about the red luxury cruise liner that collided with the blue luxury cruise liner? The passengers and crew were marooned."

"Why did the European businessman sleep on the streets? To avoid a hostel takeover."

"How do you get over a crush you've had since high school? Leave the dungeon door unlocked."