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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest? One goes limp when a child walks in the room."

"I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it."

"Who decided to call it an English to French dictionary and not a Two - Deux list?"

"I hate it when I go to clean my daughters room & I emerge 3 hours later having just finished a delightful tea party with a giraffe & a pony."

"Sent him a pic and he replied ""BOOM!!"" Trying to figure out if that means he liked it or he threw himself on a grenade."

"I got new neighbors today, I hope they like my music as much as the last 9 families did."

"why was Elsa afraid of Sven? because Sven eight nine! hahahahahahahahaha..."

"What's the difference... between a girls mouth and a girls vagina? There is none! I want my penis to be inside both of these things."

"A 3-foot long chocolate bar is ""fun size"" not a 2-inch one. I'm not afraid to be controversial."

"Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?"