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Joke of the Day

"Why does a priest never get married? Because they got nun to love them"

"My heart just skipped a beat when I glanced at my wife across the room. Mostly because she was holding my phone."

"My friends say I'm like a candle. If you forget I exist, so help me God, I'll burn your house down."

"what do you call a chav in a box? innit."

"How does Darth Vader know what Luke is getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"Are curses real? of course the f*cking are... (thanks dad)"

"What's the worst part of running into your ex? You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged."

"Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!"

"Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children's bicycle, you're probably in a bad neighborhood."

"You call it an unfinished window, I call it a draft."