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Joke of the Day

"I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me."

"It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike."

"I did some LSD and watched a candle burn all night. It was wicked."

"What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics? Walking."

"2-year-old: Dad? Me: What? 2: Are chickens real? Me: 2: Me: No one knows."

"I don't need to run a marathon to load up on carbs and ask someone to wrap me up in a blanket."

"Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table."

"What's the name of the virus that causes AIDS? ... Are you positive?"

"I think my blind girlfriend just broke up with me She said she wanted to see other people."

"Knock Knock... ""Come in!"""