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Joke of the Day

"Do you have any naked pictures of your girlfriend on your phone??? No?? Want me to send some to you?"

"Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel."

"How is sex like air? It's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"A programmer's wife says: ""go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."" He returns with 12 loaves of bread."

"What do you call a fruit that won't get married? A Cantaloupe."

"Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn't push the pram - she pulled it."

"There was once a Roman who ate his girlfriend. He was gladiator."

"I was addicted to porn... ...but then I beat it."

"What do you call a stripper with a cattle prod? Electrifying entertainment."

"Is your fridge running? Why didn't you send it to Rio? All the best to our contestants!"