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Joke of the Day

"Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?"

"You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges."

"Hey baby, did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan."

"Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it's still running through the forrest"

"Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird."

"""One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you...."" under a moving bus"

"What do you call a fat Chinese man? A chunk."

"I don't play golf because any game that includes strokes and handicaps just doesn't sound like my kind of fun."

"Where did the dog find her husband? At the Groomers!"

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra... Not my joke, but made me laugh."