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Joke of the Day

"[math class] How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet? ""By crawling to the counter?"" GET OUT"

"Spell Indian tent with two letters. TP."

"My wife said that I'm a lousy lover... How can she know that after only two minutes?"

"What's the difference between a tire and 1000 used condoms? One is a good year and the other is a great year."

"Little Sally walks into the kitchen and finds a naked guy there. ""Are you the new babysitter?"" she asks. ""No I am the new motherfucker."" the man replies."

"The older I get, the better I was."

"Well at least the world isn't spinning uncontrollably around a huge ball of fire."

"I knew you'd come crawling back the minute I stole your wheelchair"

"I wasn't going to get a brain transplant... ...But then I changed my mind"

"If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet."