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Joke of the Day

"I always pictured Madonna playing The Invisible Woman in those Fantastic Four films... ...she would've made a great Immaterial Girl."

"My tombstone will just say ""Deactivated."" I want people to be afraid that I could come back."

"TIL that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has it's own version of the devil . . . You will know this fake Flying Spaghetti Monster by his name, for he is known as the Im-Pasta."

"Toy Story (1995): A young boy's toy chest becomes possessed by haunted dolls, forcing the family to move away. But the dolls find him."

"Did you ever hear the story about how the moose died? It's all a big moostery"

"What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing. Because he's Jewish."

"Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with."

"Today there was an explosion in my kitchen... I combined pasta with antipasta."

"Someone accused the Mona Lisa of killing a man. But I think she's been framed"

"Sometimes people suck the life out of me like there's a prize at the bottom."