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Joke of the Day

"Is ""blowjob"" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards."

"I just saved a bunch of money by not paying any bills cuz I don't have a job."

"My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: ""can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?"""

"... Q.) Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A.) Because red means Stop."

"Yo girl, are you my email inbox? because there's a lot of stuff you have I'm never going to see"

"I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon."

"Trump/Pence 2016! Or ""TP"" as I like to call it. ;)"

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness... ...and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"I just had 'the talk' with my kid. You know, the one where you break the news that Batman isn't real."

"A man walks into a brothel... and is approached by one of the whores. She greets him politely, asking, ""What can I do you for?"" to which the man replies, ""Money."""