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Joke of the Day

"Yo girl, are you my email inbox? because there's a lot of stuff you have I'm never going to see"

"Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter? Because it's a catastrophe :-) Yeah, ok, I'll be going now. EDIT: removed explanation."

"""Excuse me, do you validate parking?"" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none."

"Unsuspecting male: So what kind of restaurants do you like? Me: Open ones."

"My dad was walking around the house screaming yesterday.... He kept shouting, ""A, E, I, O, U"". ""What's wrong?"", I asked him. To which he responded, ""Nothing, I just have irritable vowel syndrome..."""

"Men are like placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table."

"Guy in the dressing room next to mine: ""I don't want to get blood on these pants."" I want to reply, ""Then stay out of my way on the catwalk"""

"Don't date a soccer player... There's only a 1/11 chance they're a keeper."

"I told Stephen Hawking a joke once... ...he couldn't stand it."

"My wife's fanny smells like roses.. But rose's is tighter."