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Joke of the Day

"My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: ""can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?"""

"A woman walks into a hardware store and says, ""I want to buy a hinge."" The clerk says, ""Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"" The woman replies, ""No thanks, but I'll blow you for a toaster."""

"How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery."

"What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes? Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder."

"I tried inventing a belt with a clock on it... It was a waist of time"

"How do red necks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin"

"Sorry girls, I'm no Bruno Mars, I won't catch a grenade for you. In fact, if such situation ever happened, I'd use you as a human shield."

"What's the difference between kinky and perverted ? Kinky you use a feather; perverted you use the whole chicken !"

"*gets on 1 knee* Me: I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but will you marry me? Her: Please get off my knee"

"I need a full wifi description before I can even consider coming to your home"