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Joke of the Day

"Her Parents: Tell us how u two love birds met Me: We were in a tweet contest & was added to a DM room & then I gave her a fake trophy HP: .."

"a cool magic trick woud be if a magiciam puts their hand in a hat & sombody wearin a hat in the audience sudenly feels a hand on their head"

"What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern? Pumpkin pie!"

"What if... ... in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar...and the actor who played him got an Oscar."

"I'm a bit of a self deprecating comedian, I must admit, I'm not very good."

"How does a black woman stop crime? She gets an abortion."

"Last night I got drunk and lonely, so I tried the peanut butter with my dog trick... ...still tasted like dog cock."

"As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel."

"Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders? Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name ""Sanders""."

"If Jesus appears to you... Ask him to bevel-cut a jack rafter onto a door header. If he doesn't know what you mean, that's an imposter Jesus."