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Joke of the Day

"When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask ""who's in charge of tossing the salads here?"" Then I frown & order the soup."

"I'm so stoned........ It took me three tries to turn out the bathroom light. Turns out the toilet flush handle does not control the lights."

"Steve Jobs isn't really dead The nurses are just holding him the wrong way [Source](http://sickipedia.org/joke/view/1108293)"

"What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"The shutter speed of the iPhone 6's camera is so high... ...it can take a pic of a woman with her mouth shut"

"I'm gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's."

"Please don't make fun of the Holocaust My grandfather died by falling off the guard tower Edit: Spelling"

"Why do Marxists drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it. *Heard this from my hubby last night."

"[at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS"