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Joke of the Day

"I'm so stoned........ It took me three tries to turn out the bathroom light. Turns out the toilet flush handle does not control the lights."

"Why did the cow slap the bull? He didn't play well with udders."

"There is nothing funny about menstruation jokes... Period."

"When talking with a woman in her 30s, it's super important to always pretend to be shocked when she tells you she's in her 30s."

"I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken."

"Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled ""supplies!"""

"Ladies, if he tells you he's 6 feet & 4 inches, be sure those aren't two separate measurements."

"16 sodium atoms walk into a bar. They were followed by batman."

"What did the woodworm say to the chair ? It's been nice gnawing you !"

"What's the hardest part about keeping a 12 year old girl in your basement? Finding a new one next year."