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Joke of the Day

"Everyone lies on their resume but I fear I may have gone overboard with 'immortal' and 'shoots lasers from eyes' and 'hardworking'."

"Let me be the Stud in your life. I already have the STD, all I'm missing is u."

"What do you call a sketchy place in Italy? The ""spaghetto"""

"Chick on tinder < chicken tender"

"My daughter always said she wanted to see her name up in lights... You should've seen the smile on her face when she turned to look at me and say: ""Daddy, what's an 'Amber Alert'?"""

"Q: Why don't blondes like buttered toast? A: They can't figure out which side the butter goes on."

"How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool."

"[at oceanside seafood restaurant] Me: Is the fish fresh here? Waiter: Yes *from the kitchen, a fish blows me a kiss & waves seductively*"

"What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for School?! Bison"

"My cleaning lady always leaves me a list of supplies she needs to clean the house. Not sure what she needs 20 boxes of cold medicine though"