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Joke of the Day

"%3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the face."

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"If a tree falls down in the woods... But nobody is around to hear it. Does a hipster still buy the album?"
"Went to a great Russian restaurant last night. For dessert, we ordered Chocolate Putin"
"Don't forget to pay your taxes this year so the Government can give it to people that don't work as hard as you."
"Can't please Americans For years Americans have complained to the Government that their voices weren't being heard. Now they are freaking the fuck out over the NSA."
"To the jogger clinging to the hood of my car: That's why you run WITH the flow of traffic"
"I just spent my entire tax return on guacamole."
"I lost my kidneys when I turned 18 My knees are 100% adult now!"
"do the people in Fiji know we pay 4 dollars for their tap water"
"I just saw the Kardashian sisters and now I feel more Christmassy. Ho Ho Ho."