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Joke of the Day

"Went to a great Russian restaurant last night. For dessert, we ordered Chocolate Putin"

"what did president abe lincoln call his journal? ...his lincoln logs"

"What Did Big Nacho Say To Little Nacho? I'm Nacho Daddy."

"I love hillary Clinton so much. It makes me weak at the knees."

"don't kid yourself, the pace at which the cursor blinks before a blank space in a document is the actual heartbeat of God"

"[meeting] Bill: we'll call it BILLOSOPHY Phil [pulling out briefcase and assembling gun]: Good idea! Steal my board idea now this? Not again"

"Why did Simba's father die? Because he couldn't Mufasa."

"What's smarter than a dog, but dumber than a cat? Their owner."

"What do you call an explosion in a Frencg kitchen? Linoleum Blown-apart."

"*Gets down on one knee* ""Can you drive us to dinner I have three DUI's"""