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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls down in the woods... But nobody is around to hear it. Does a hipster still buy the album?"

"I'm going to name my son Awesome... ...so whenever he sleeps with someone, they are fucking Awesome."

"Did you hear that the coprophiliac Scotsman is engaged to be married? They're so cute together; apparently, it was love at first shite."

"What do you call a fat computer? A Dell ( probably a repost, I laughed tho)"

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger."

"I hate lollipop ladies They make me cross"

"What's the funniest part of a boxing joke? You'd think it'd be the punchline, but apparently it's funnier when the person feints..."

"Mom called to ask if I'd take her shopping. Me: What time? Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now."

"What would Jesus do? Get nailed to a cross and bleed out."

"I can't help but be disappointed at the brand new Rolex I received for my birthday from the lesbian couple next door. ... I think they misunderstood when I said, ""I wanna watch."""