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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a hot day in Canada? A Nova Scorcha!"

"Did you fall out of heaven? Because you look like it hurts."

"My left buttcheek fell asleep. I'm Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes."

"Vacuumed a section of carpet 20 times before I realized I was trying to clean up a patch of sunshine. Intellectual powerhouse. Right here."

"Phases of love. 1) xoxo. 2) xxx. 3) ex."

"Why did you bring your cat to school? Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school? Student: My dad said he was going to eat mom's pussy."

"How do you show your appreciation towards black holes? Thanks for nothing!"

"What do you do when you see a space man? You park, man."

"What was the fat asian rapper's name? Too chinz"

"IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken: Well you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie Nelson Tammy Wynette and Garth Brooks . . ."