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Joke of the Day

"Vacuumed a section of carpet 20 times before I realized I was trying to clean up a patch of sunshine. Intellectual powerhouse. Right here."

"Need to have a talk about drugs with my 14 year old son because my regular connection just dried up. -Danny Zucker"

"What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger."

"What is a East Indian child's favourite game? Hide and go Sikh"

"What's the difference between a woman and a gun? Guns don't move out when you bring a new one home."

"There are only two types of people in this world... Those who can't extrapolate from incomplete data."

"If I say ""last Star Wars"" and u say ""Actually you mean 3rd Star Wars! It's a prequel!"" I'm going to hit u with a fish tank."

"My mother in law called me today and said? ""Come quick. I think I'm dying"" I said, ""Call me back when you're sure""."

"On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him ""Have you heard of updog?"""

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."