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Joke of the Day
"I got so drunk the other night that I lost my glasses. The rest is a blur."
Next Joke
"When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just ""Morning,"" don't be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ ""Noon."" Seriously, what did ya expect?"
"How did the girl with fetal alcohol syndrome tag a picture of herself on instagram? \#nophiltrum"
"Lif is too short."
"Because you know I'm all about that data, bout that data. No trouble. I'm all about that data, bout that data. No trouble."
"What do dolphins like to listen to? Podcasts."
"Why do cowgirls have bow-legs? Because cowboys always eat with their hats on."
"I'm so bright My mom calls me her sun"
"Judging by their knives, the Swiss Army is mostly bartenders."
"Why do stormtroopers make good drivers? They won't ever hit anything."