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Joke of the Day

"Make like my dick... and fuck your mother."

"Wait! What?! The subway is flooded? WHAT ABOUT THE NINJA TURTLES?! *prays*"

"Why was the farmer hopping mad ? Because someone had trodden on his corn !"

"*walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*"

"What's is the difference between a Lamborghini and a boner? I don't have a boner right now. -Hugh Hefner, probably"

"Kidnapping Catnapping keeps you well rested, kidnapping gets you arrested."

"What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector? One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at."

"your mom's so fat her nickname is ""damn!"""

"A crowd of theater fanatics walk into a bar. They go to the bartender and say, ""One round please."" ""A round of what?"" The bartender asks. ""A round of *applause*!"" They all scream in unison."

"I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power."