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Joke of the Day

"I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power."

"My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded"

"I have an excellent memory... I cant even remember the last time i forgot something."

"My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold."

"Do you think Professor that my wife should take up the piano as a career? No I think she should put down the lid as a favor."

"When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes. Ive just learned from experience, if my eyes are open, more pepper spray gets in them."

"Don't spend too much on toilet paper It's all for shit, anyway."

"What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position? Ability to work under pressure."

"What does a nosy pepper do? Get jalapeno business"

"If you're turning left with your car, which wheel steers less? The spare one! :P"