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Joke of the Day

"[speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married."

"I went to the doctor today for a prostate exam. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, until I realized both his hands were on my shoulders."

"[Friend] Kyle, u have to stop referring to your Ballet Club as a ""gang"" [Me & my gang all do 2 pirouettes and stop in unison] ""Not a chance"""

"What did one meme say to the other meme? Dank"

"How do you save a drowning mouse ? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !"

"Why doesn't snake have balls? Because he would look like a dick."

"What's the best kind of guy to get fingered by? One with Parkinson's disease!"

"Not really a joke, but I thought of a way to diss three people at once. When you see someone's baby the first time, say ""so your mom did tell you how to make ugly babies"""

"Text your friends but leave voicemails for your enemies."

"Grammar: The difference between feeling you're nuts, and feeling your nuts."