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Joke of the Day
"Text your friends but leave voicemails for your enemies."
Next Joke
"You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults."
"I never judge people by the color of their skin. That's fucking stupid. I judge them by their cell phones."
"My wife has this really weird fetish... She likes to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time."
"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I'm making... ...then they call me ugly and poor."
"What's the smallest thing in the universe? A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball."
"Rick. Rick is a total lover of Pixar movies. He will lend you any title except for one. He is never gonna give you Up."
"A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money. It was a strobbery."
"You know you spend too much time with your kids when there's Sesame Street music in your head while mentally undressing women."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."