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Joke of the Day

"Not really a joke, but I thought of a way to diss three people at once. When you see someone's baby the first time, say ""so your mom did tell you how to make ugly babies"""

Next Joke
 
"Why do drug dealers hate prostitutes? Because prostitutes can wash their crack and sell it again."
"[job interview] ""Tell me about yourself"" *flashback to when I used hand towels mom said are specifically for guests* I'm a risk taker"
"Its all shits and giggles. Until someone giggles and shits."
"Coworker: What's your phone number? *looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker...."
"Professor X walks into a bar >:)"
"You're so fat that your husband rolled over after sex, rolled over again and was STILL on top of you."
"What would I be if I doubled myself? Meme"
"By the time you finish reading this tweet, you will be slightly closer to death than you were before. I hope it was worth it."
"I hate when i'm trying to blow out birthday candles and little kids try to do it with me excuse u it's not ur birthday so take a step back"