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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor today for a prostate exam. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, until I realized both his hands were on my shoulders."

"Virgin Airlines should just be itself. It'll happen eventually."

"There really should be awards for getting out of bed."

"I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell, when did they start putting child proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass?"

"If only humans were more like me, smart and wise and- *I get surprised by the toast I forgot I was making*"

"I was riding my Vespa and nearly got hit by a Prius, that would have gone down in history as the gayest wreck EVER."

"MILEY Y U NO PARTY IN OTHER COUNTRY?"

"What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler."

"Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?"

"I got in touch with my inner self today That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper."