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Joke of the Day

"Love is like a fart... If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

"Like my grandma always says... put more booze in the mashed potatoes"

"Shawty: Where's the naan brad Lad: there's naan left..."

"I'm not rich like Jack don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you. I love you too but what was that you said about Martin !"

"The stock market plunge of 2008 was worse than a divorce... I lost half of everything, but I still have my wife!"

"[buzzfeed 1776] 21 Declarations You Won't Believe!"

"""Hippos are actually more dangerous than crocodiles and sharks combined."" - Moron who clearly hasn't pictured a Crocoshark."

"I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes... In fact you could call me a fashist"

"I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS"

"[baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby."