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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS"

"Michael Schumacher has spoken out about global warming, in a statement he said ""Things are getting pretty bad, just yesterday I was skiing and when I woke up this morning it was summer"""

"Ima dad that got his hairs cut yesterday. I felt a bit lightheaded this morning"

"I found a wallet today, and as a practicing Christian, I asked myself ""what would Jesus do?"" So I turned it into wine."

"How do we know Jesus was a man? We've had to wait 2,000 years for his second coming."

"What do you call drawings of dog poop that don't have outlines? Dog turds without borders"

"A new study has proven... A new study has proven that people who have more birthdays live longer."

"What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard"

"I'm agnostic. What happens to me when I die? Idk. (I decay)"

"I told my friend she should work at a tire shop... She does the best rim-jobs I've ever had."