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Joke of the Day

"I am in the S&M period in my relationship She sleeps, I masturbate."

"im 40 and my girlfriend is 12 months pregnant, am i too old to be a father? :/"

"If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?"

"Calculus joke Epsilon is wandering around. Suddenly he sees his friend Delta. ""Delta, it's good to see you! But what are you doing here?"" Delta replies, ""Oh, I was just in the neighborhood."""

"My Facebook movie is okay, but the book was better."

"How come you catch more flies with honey... ... but you don't catch more honies with fly?"

"A man with no arms and no legs is standing at the bus stop... The bus driver pulls up and and says ""alright mate, how you getting on?"""

"What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic? Going inside and asking for a coat hanger."

"Almost yelled ""F.U."" at another driver, but the kid was in the car. So I yelled, ""I'm dedicated to customer service."" Just like airlines do."

"What would you call a 50 cent concert featuring Nickelback? The 45 cent show"