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Joke of the Day

"After four years I finally had to buy condoms again. Stupid expiration dates."

"Where do hogs keep their money? In piggy banks."

"What do you call a number that can't keep still? A roamin' numeral"

"If someone won't lift a finger to call you, see you or spend time with you then it's time for you to lift five fingers and wave goodbye."

"Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack."

"Why couldn't the Italian phone salesman open up his shop... He had a Nokia"

"I tried to catch some fog the other day.. I mist."

"How does the Addidas executive work through the night? Three lines"

"How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish? Mark Sanchez."

"I'm worried my dog will never find out who's a good boy."