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Joke of the Day

"The hardest part about coaching Little League is remembering not to say, ""MOTHERFUCKER FIRST FUCKING BASE GODDAMMIT SHIT!!!"" all the time."

"What's a pirate's favorite subreddit? /r/matey"

"As a guy... being sexually frustrated must be hard."

"Today I lost my virginity for a dollar I wish I didn't bend down to pick it up."

"Q:What did The Banana Say To the Vibrator? A:Why the fuck are you shaking, she's going to eat me!"

"A cliff in the desert A man told his son to jump off a cliff in the desert. Don't worry, it was Sahara - chasm."

"Why doesn't the melon get married? Because it cantaloupe."

"If your social security number was your cell phone number... what would your number be?"

"My next girlfriend I am going to train like my dog. She will be loyal, obedient, and lick herself."

"I just saw the most beautiful girl, but she was wearing those huge sunglasses so there is still a chance she's a 1200 pound rhinoceros."