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Joke of the Day

"Friday night plans *break into plastic surgeon's office *put goldfish in the silicone implants *sneak away undetected *giggle like a maniac"

"My wife is like listening to my favorite music with the volume up. Fucking the neighbour."

"Whats BNAG? Its bang out of order!"

"Spider Man, Spider Man Chillin' in his camper van Kickin' back, drinkin' booze head to toe in sweet tattoos Hang on That is not Spider Man"

"I hate being bipolar... It's awesome!"

"What's the difference between a politician and a bucket of shit? The bucket."

"If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London? Because he's a beef-eater."

"I'm unsure how I feel about my new mirror... ...I just haven't had time to reflect yet. www.ChippedBeefOnToast.com"

"In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30."

"A surprise party on someone's birthday isn't surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night."