82486

Joke of the Day

"So I'm not showing up to any Halloween parties this year... I'll be telling everyone I'm Malaysia Airlines Flight 370."

"My thesaurus is awful. Not only that, it's also awful."

"*tosses banana peel out the window during a police chase*"

"I ran into Harambe for the first time in a while last night, so we decided to go get a drink. Bartender: what'll you have? Harambe: I'll have a beer. Me: no, he'll have a shot."

"The wages of sin is death But hey, at least I got a job."

"If you had a 12 inch dick sticking out of the middle of your forehead, how many inches of it would you be able to see? None. Your gigantic balls would be in the way."

"I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up."

"Me and my son don't always see eye to eye because we both wear glasses."

"NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate."

"What's Putin's new favorite song? Crimea River"