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Joke of the Day

"I ran into Harambe for the first time in a while last night, so we decided to go get a drink. Bartender: what'll you have? Harambe: I'll have a beer. Me: no, he'll have a shot."

"I hate having to go to the Starbucks 2 blocks away cuz of the horrible dates with all the baristas at the Starbucks 1 block away."

"Happy Independence Day Except For Slaves Day!"

"""You only want my daughter for one thing!"" yelled my girlfriend's mother. ""That's your fault for not teaching her to cook,"" I said."

"Sending 17 text messages explaining why you're not crazy seems a little counterintuitive."

"Do you know why sharks don't eat clowns? They taste funny."

"He tripped, and the laundry basket fell to floor, spilling clothes everywhere. I sat back and watched it all unfold."

"What did the depressed muppet say? I want to Kermit suicide."

"Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9."

"A midget dressed up as a circuit board on Halloween night died you could say he short-circuited"