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Joke of the Day

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."

"""On this episode of 60 Minutes, we'll talk to a woman who had a baby but did not change her Facebook profile picture to a photo of it..."""

"When I find myself saying something stupid, I finish by saying ""in this economy"" because that resonates with people in this economy."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter."

"What's a woman's favourite brand of Applejack? Dickson Cider"

"Indians will wait 25 years to have sex but not 25 seconds for the traffic signal to turn green."

"""Dude, we should swap spacesuits. Just for a laugh."" ""Ha, yeah ok."" [swaps suits] ""Now we sh-"" ""You took a shit in this, didn't you?"""

"What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles."

"When people tell me I look like my mother, I assume they mean disappointed."