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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter."

"Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second."

"What is Bruce Lee's favourite drink? Wataaaah!"

"BOSS: Ok so far so good. But before we finish the interview I'm gonna have you take a typing test. LOBSTER: *looking down at claws* Shit"

"i know a guy who loves saying ""best thing since sliced bread"" and i imagine hes always at a grocery store lookin at bread and just losing it"

"Did you hear Adrian Peterson is trying out for the MLB? Apparently he's one hell of a switch hitter."

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ""Where's my tractor?"""

"When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another. Because kids."

"Three virgins go into a bar; a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Hours later out come a blonde, a brunette, and a virgin. ....Ginger Snap!"

"Paint thinner? Bullshit. Been painting myself with it all week. Still fat."