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Joke of the Day

"I think Hillary Clinton will be the best president. If she couldn't screw Bill, how can she screw America?"

"I'M RAGING AGAINST THE MACHINE! Okay, I'm just frustrated with this copier, but I sighed pretty loud, so I think it knows how I feel!"

"How do black people make fruit salad? They mix watermelon and grape soda. (On a side note, I'm not racist. I just think black people and racist jokes are funny.)"

"I got thrown out of the topless bar today... I felt like a boob..."

"How do you know your wife's dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up."

"I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic."

"Snow's starting to melt. Soon I'll have to rake the leaves from last fall and do something with the dead panda. I told the kids he ran away."

"Mirror Mirror on the Wall... What is my focal point?"

"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't Jelly my dick in an ass."

"Your honor, I second that motion Judge: Ma'am, I'm simply reading your husband's request to be cremated"