80061

Joke of the Day

"Voting this year will be like going to the dentist... No one wants to do it, but we all know we should for our own good."

"I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her."

"Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot."

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""

"The key ingredients for a successful diet : Duct tape Rope Rat poison Shovel Bag of lime Alibi What?...wait. Wrong list."

"Why can you only ran through a campground and not run? Because it's past tents."

"How many cops does it take to push a man down the stairs? None, he fell."

"1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait"

"How many psychologists does it take to change a tire? Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change."

"If I rule the world first thing I'll do is add a extra day into the weekend right after Saturday.. It will be called Matterday... It won't matter what you do that day"