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Joke of the Day

"The key ingredients for a successful diet : Duct tape Rope Rat poison Shovel Bag of lime Alibi What?...wait. Wrong list."

"In light of the DNC event and my own recent experience with the forced install of windows 10.. What do the Clinton's have in common with Bill Gates? They both no longer need your consent."

"Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter? Twitter only allows 160 characters"

"Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire? He threw his arm out."

"For Halloween I'm goin to go as lost weed. Cause that's everyone's nightmare."

"""hey what's that sqiggly thing on the ground?"" ""i don't know, it looks kinda like a w or m"" -- how the worm got its name"

"Golfer: ""Please stop checking your watch all the time caddy. It's distracting!"" Caddy: ""This isn't a watch sir its a compass!"""

"Q: Mom's have Mother's Day Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday."

"Like many people, I had no idea what to do after I left school. But after thinking about it for a while, I decided to go home."

"Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue? Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?"