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Joke of the Day

"I can't come into work. I opened a cursed sarcophagus and now I gotta put a pharaoh's soul to rest. I DUNNO, TAD, I'LL PROBABLY BE IN MONDAY"

"How do you fit five elephants into a car ? Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !"

"Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much? Because, it's acidic juice."

"Group therapy One psychologist asked another psychologist how his agoraphobia group therapy sessions are going. ""Not so good."" ""Why?"" ""No one ever shows up."""

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish off a race"

"Today I broke a G string while fingering A minor Dammit, playing guitar is hard!"

"Wheelchairs A perfect gift for that ""special"" someone."

"Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working? A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

"When my phone rings, I stay very, very still. If I don't move, it can't see me."

"Receptionist at a sperm bank ""Thanks for coming."""