152022

Joke of the Day

"How do you fit five elephants into a car ? Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !"

"When I was a kid, hearing, ""Wow, you are really getting heavy"" used to make me beam with satisfaction..... But now I'm 35 and weigh 300 pounds, that shit has totally lost its appeal."

"Top Five Accountant Taboos: 5. Unreconciled difference 4. Doesn't foot & crossfoot 3. No journal entry support 2. Cooking the books 1. Sex"

"I know weathermen get excited about snow, but it's kind of distracting when they jerk off during the forecast."

"What do you call a mob of armed lesbians? Militia Etheridge"

"What's E.T. short for? Because he's got tiny legs."

"What's the most annoying thing on /r/jokes? People who post the joke intro twice."

"I've been working on a new type of martial arts that involves the taking of money from Hispanics. TakeJuan'sdough."

"(NSFW) They've finally published my self-help book about having sex with herbs It's about fucking thyme."

"I like my women like I like my scotch... ...12 years old."